May 8, 2007
An evolving incredulity
I never understood the English pastime of ferret legging until the other night when I decided I would not watch the Republican presidential debate because I just couldn’t permit myself to
have that much fun. I was miserable and I wanted to get even miserabler. So I turned off the television, tucked my pant legs into my boots, grabbed two musty varmints, dropped them down my trousers, cinched my belt tightly and let those rascals go to work. That was still too much fun so I crushed out a cigarette in my navel, stapled my tongue and drank a cup of bleach. Altogether, it was slightly less fun than I might have had hearing ten Republicans tell me why they’re not assholes.
But it ain’t over yet.
I keep CNN on all day long because it reminds me that the world smells like shit and we’re all covered up in it. Now, either Anderson Cooper is lying to me with those pert, kissable lips, that boldly silver hair and those piercing blue eyes, or three out of ten Republican presidential hopefuls indicated to a nationwide television audience that they do not believe in the theory of evolution. Read that again. Got it? O.k. I’ll repeat it.
Three out of ten Republicans vying to be the most powerful sumbitch in the whole damn world do not believe in the fact of evolution. I don’t want to know which three they are. I don’t even want to know that the tensome exists in the first place. But I would like someone to answer a question about that: what the fuck?!
I’m reckoning the same triad probably chock the supposed moon missions up to some clever prop work in a sound studio. Surely they believe there are monsters near the edge of the earth and that one shouldn’t sail there. The mentally ill, I suppose, are inhabited by demons. Rodents of unusual size? I don’t believe they exist.
The presidency is a mixed bag. It calls for a variety of skills, talents and innate qualities. I can’t begin to list them all. But the one I will list is this: at least a 19th Century apprehension of the fundamentals of natural science, you nitwits!
Of course there’s the cynic in me that doesn’t believe that they don’t believe, but that instead they’re shamelessly willing to feign ignorance to appeal to the ignorant. But I’ve been trying of late to listen to my better half, the noncynical half, the half that chooses to believe that nobody with such lofty ambitions could be so calculating at deception.
What do you think? Should I give in to the impulse to conclude that these charlatans are lying to us? Or should I rather listen to my softer side and conclude that they’re an incomprehensibly daft collection of turds? Either way, I’m glad I didn’t watch that debacle and I’m keeping the ferrets around in case they do it again.
An evolving incredulity
I never understood the English pastime of ferret legging until the other night when I decided I would not watch the Republican presidential debate because I just couldn’t permit myself to
have that much fun. I was miserable and I wanted to get even miserabler. So I turned off the television, tucked my pant legs into my boots, grabbed two musty varmints, dropped them down my trousers, cinched my belt tightly and let those rascals go to work. That was still too much fun so I crushed out a cigarette in my navel, stapled my tongue and drank a cup of bleach. Altogether, it was slightly less fun than I might have had hearing ten Republicans tell me why they’re not assholes.But it ain’t over yet.
I keep CNN on all day long because it reminds me that the world smells like shit and we’re all covered up in it. Now, either Anderson Cooper is lying to me with those pert, kissable lips, that boldly silver hair and those piercing blue eyes, or three out of ten Republican presidential hopefuls indicated to a nationwide television audience that they do not believe in the theory of evolution. Read that again. Got it? O.k. I’ll repeat it.
Three out of ten Republicans vying to be the most powerful sumbitch in the whole damn world do not believe in the fact of evolution. I don’t want to know which three they are. I don’t even want to know that the tensome exists in the first place. But I would like someone to answer a question about that: what the fuck?!
I’m reckoning the same triad probably chock the supposed moon missions up to some clever prop work in a sound studio. Surely they believe there are monsters near the edge of the earth and that one shouldn’t sail there. The mentally ill, I suppose, are inhabited by demons. Rodents of unusual size? I don’t believe they exist.
The presidency is a mixed bag. It calls for a variety of skills, talents and innate qualities. I can’t begin to list them all. But the one I will list is this: at least a 19th Century apprehension of the fundamentals of natural science, you nitwits!
Of course there’s the cynic in me that doesn’t believe that they don’t believe, but that instead they’re shamelessly willing to feign ignorance to appeal to the ignorant. But I’ve been trying of late to listen to my better half, the noncynical half, the half that chooses to believe that nobody with such lofty ambitions could be so calculating at deception.
What do you think? Should I give in to the impulse to conclude that these charlatans are lying to us? Or should I rather listen to my softer side and conclude that they’re an incomprehensibly daft collection of turds? Either way, I’m glad I didn’t watch that debacle and I’m keeping the ferrets around in case they do it again.
1 comment:
everybody, including (especially)these dumbass evangelical republican fuktards need to read Sam Harris' "Letter to a Christian Nation". brilliant work on the Pope article in City Beat!
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